Tag Archive: experience


Stumbling

With each day that passes I find that I become a little less tolerant of the environment around me.  Daily interactions with people, processes at work and the incessant whining of everything else; it all makes me feel frustrated and anxious.  I used to be someone who truly loved the adventure of new people, the excitement of unknown places and the challenges of overcoming a difficult task.  Now, I find myself withdrawn from those experiences.  What happened?  When did it all change and how did I fall off course?

Friends tell me to confront certain issues, but the thought of confrontation makes me feel tired.  I retreat to my bedroom or a quiet walk or sit at my favorite bar stool and lose track of time.  On the outside I’m connecting with those around me, but on the inside, everyone is at an arms length… “Keep away”, I say to myself.

The excitement of being successful and “living the life” no longer calls out to me.  The desire to find love and build a life together has faded.  Instead, I do the things I do because I have to.  I have to be responsible, I have to plan for tomorrow and ensure that my actions today support a better experience for tomorrow.  I do this while waiting for “it” all to return.  Hoping that that drive, the hunger to succeed, the excitement of “getting out there” and facing life’s daily adventures… all comes back again.  At one time, life was full of bright colors and called me to its spotlight.  Now, I look out and see black & white stills of what was, and I pull at my memory to help me feel those faded emotions.

The up and down slopes of life are confusing and navigationally challenging.  Is this really my life?  Is this as good as it gets? I had expected so much more!

A change is happening and its definitions are still being written.  At the end I will, once again, be full of that drive and passion I once felt.  Until then, I survive the storm and keep faith.

My LapTop Is a Bitch!

I learned today that my laptop has jealously issues. It doesn’t like when I multi-task. Whenever I pick up my BlackBerry and focus on whatever the BlackBerry has to share with me, the laptop goes into standby mode, shuts off and pouts. Before I am able to get back into its good graces I have to turn it back on and sign into it, proving that I’m committed to it.

This seams like a whole lot of nonsense to me! Maggie, that’s what I’ll call my laptop at the moment, shouldn’t be such a bitch. It’s only a BlackBerry, I love you both just the same. Quit freaking out! Then I got to thinking about this some more. Why does Maggie get pissy and shut down if I don’t show her any affection for 5 minutes? The answer is simple, somewhere along the way she was programmed to behave this way. After fondling her settings for a little while, she is now satisfied to wait for 20 minutes before storming off and giving me the silent treatment.

Fixing this was easy, but finding where a person was programmed to react to something is much more difficult and can be painful to watch. Especially when that person is someone you care about. From the outside, I can see straight to the source of the frustrations, but I lack the ability to play with the settings. I lack the intelligence of finding the perfect string of words to explain a possible solution. Instead, I offer the words I know and hope that it’s helpful. I offer the best hug I have, I hope it seals in my words and support.

Life is a series of events, new and old, and they all come together a thousand times a day. Sometimes they’re perfectly connected and fit together easily. Other times the pieces fit together after you’ve maimed them with a hacksaw and used a nail gun to keep them in place. But, most of them just kind of fit. They’re not all flawlessly cut to perfection and laid out, some have holes, some have uneven edges and others just float there. And that is okay.

These events are your story. It’s up to you to make it a beautiful story or a tragedy. So, with my best hug and a slap on the ass… Get out there and make it a beautiful story!