Tag Archive: realization


“Gather yourself, up ’til now there’s been no clue
the awakening will be swift and harsh and rude
and it won’t be what you know and it won’t be what you’d expect
and it will carry with it the force of fear-inspiring wreck”

-from the song “The Awakening” by Jennifer Nettles

Every now and then we all find ourselves at an impasse.  Suddenly the cruise control of life goes up in flames and we’re standing there unable to move forward.  Maybe we’re afraid that if we do, that unexpected opportunity will actually close.  Maybe the memories of how it felt, the hopes it fostered and the feeling of “being alive” is too much to step away from.  Or, maybe, when you’re standing there afterward, and you’ve been exposed, you’re forced to realize how empty it all is.

 Creating relationships that rarely know my inner feelings, fears, strengths and desires is what I do.  I am not easily impressed, or moved, by someone’s words.  After all, words are effortless.  Time is my guide and actions are my witnesses. 

But, on very few occasions, I meet someone who jumps right into the mix without warning or reason.  They dive in and make themselves right at home.  It’s not logical, nor is it guided.  And rarer yet, sometimes that person jumps right back out.  Of course, when jumping out, there are valid reasons or excuses.  Hell, who am I to blame someone for behaving in ways similar to my own?   I get it, it’s not personal, it’s not an attack, but it is still rejection.  And it’s the kind of rejection that shakes you to the center of the force that keeps you closed in the first place. 

 Standing there afterward, you feel the regret of an emptiness that was forgotten; an emptiness that never makes itself known until these moments.  And these are the moments that remind you there are very few people who, unwittingly, sneak right into that little space and propel us over the walls of fear.

 And after they’ve abandoned the flight, we are left in midair with a choice to make.  Keep moving forward and be thankful for the experience that pulled you out, or tuck back inside and slam back into the safety of that familiar compound.  This is the impasse.  I am reminded of what I had been running from, but I was also given a glimpse of what I secretly long for.   


Getting the Mail

At the end of the road I look out over the valley

Staring off into the bluish haze of hills I feel small

The sun behind, the moon in front

How beautiful

The sky dances with color and power

Clouds slowly grace me with images of many

Thoughts of the past and the future float away with the drifting images

I feel empowered, higher than life

I look out over the field, grass swaying

The breeze effortlessly bends the green blades

They show ease and strength

I listen to the sounds of the various birds

With arms open they welcome the breeze

Dancing in its movements they demonstrate grace

Their sounds echo peace and harmony

Higher above a much larger bird keeps his arms open

He watches my movements and his surroundings

Without fear he keeps his arms to the wind and glides

With one of nature’s soldiers watching I walk through the field

I stop at the edge of a small pond

Looking into the edge of this liquid body I see my reflection

I watch the blues and whites of the sky; my guide is still with me

The water ripples with life underneath

When the air shifts the water follows

Like scales it pushes against its limits

I continue to walk up a slight hill

Passing some trees and rocks

The trees tell stories

The talk amongst themselves

I wonder what they’d say if I could understand

A lesson incomparable to any book I’m sure

At a low stonewall I stop and turn around

I look back out over the pond, the field and the tinted hills

I respectfully look to the top of the sheltering trees

I remember my past and think of my future

                           The sky takes my dreams, the trees remember them and my spirit ensures it