Tag Archive: spirit


Stumbling

With each day that passes I find that I become a little less tolerant of the environment around me.  Daily interactions with people, processes at work and the incessant whining of everything else; it all makes me feel frustrated and anxious.  I used to be someone who truly loved the adventure of new people, the excitement of unknown places and the challenges of overcoming a difficult task.  Now, I find myself withdrawn from those experiences.  What happened?  When did it all change and how did I fall off course?

Friends tell me to confront certain issues, but the thought of confrontation makes me feel tired.  I retreat to my bedroom or a quiet walk or sit at my favorite bar stool and lose track of time.  On the outside I’m connecting with those around me, but on the inside, everyone is at an arms length… “Keep away”, I say to myself.

The excitement of being successful and “living the life” no longer calls out to me.  The desire to find love and build a life together has faded.  Instead, I do the things I do because I have to.  I have to be responsible, I have to plan for tomorrow and ensure that my actions today support a better experience for tomorrow.  I do this while waiting for “it” all to return.  Hoping that that drive, the hunger to succeed, the excitement of “getting out there” and facing life’s daily adventures… all comes back again.  At one time, life was full of bright colors and called me to its spotlight.  Now, I look out and see black & white stills of what was, and I pull at my memory to help me feel those faded emotions.

The up and down slopes of life are confusing and navigationally challenging.  Is this really my life?  Is this as good as it gets? I had expected so much more!

A change is happening and its definitions are still being written.  At the end I will, once again, be full of that drive and passion I once felt.  Until then, I survive the storm and keep faith.

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Getting the Mail

At the end of the road I look out over the valley

Staring off into the bluish haze of hills I feel small

The sun behind, the moon in front

How beautiful

The sky dances with color and power

Clouds slowly grace me with images of many

Thoughts of the past and the future float away with the drifting images

I feel empowered, higher than life

I look out over the field, grass swaying

The breeze effortlessly bends the green blades

They show ease and strength

I listen to the sounds of the various birds

With arms open they welcome the breeze

Dancing in its movements they demonstrate grace

Their sounds echo peace and harmony

Higher above a much larger bird keeps his arms open

He watches my movements and his surroundings

Without fear he keeps his arms to the wind and glides

With one of nature’s soldiers watching I walk through the field

I stop at the edge of a small pond

Looking into the edge of this liquid body I see my reflection

I watch the blues and whites of the sky; my guide is still with me

The water ripples with life underneath

When the air shifts the water follows

Like scales it pushes against its limits

I continue to walk up a slight hill

Passing some trees and rocks

The trees tell stories

The talk amongst themselves

I wonder what they’d say if I could understand

A lesson incomparable to any book I’m sure

At a low stonewall I stop and turn around

I look back out over the pond, the field and the tinted hills

I respectfully look to the top of the sheltering trees

I remember my past and think of my future

                           The sky takes my dreams, the trees remember them and my spirit ensures it