Archive for January, 2012

Getting the Mail

At the end of the road I look out over the valley

Staring off into the bluish haze of hills I feel small

The sun behind, the moon in front

How beautiful

The sky dances with color and power

Clouds slowly grace me with images of many

Thoughts of the past and the future float away with the drifting images

I feel empowered, higher than life

I look out over the field, grass swaying

The breeze effortlessly bends the green blades

They show ease and strength

I listen to the sounds of the various birds

With arms open they welcome the breeze

Dancing in its movements they demonstrate grace

Their sounds echo peace and harmony

Higher above a much larger bird keeps his arms open

He watches my movements and his surroundings

Without fear he keeps his arms to the wind and glides

With one of nature’s soldiers watching I walk through the field

I stop at the edge of a small pond

Looking into the edge of this liquid body I see my reflection

I watch the blues and whites of the sky; my guide is still with me

The water ripples with life underneath

When the air shifts the water follows

Like scales it pushes against its limits

I continue to walk up a slight hill

Passing some trees and rocks

The trees tell stories

The talk amongst themselves

I wonder what they’d say if I could understand

A lesson incomparable to any book I’m sure

At a low stonewall I stop and turn around

I look back out over the pond, the field and the tinted hills

I respectfully look to the top of the sheltering trees

I remember my past and think of my future

                           The sky takes my dreams, the trees remember them and my spirit ensures it


I recently found myself surrounded by a relocation spree.  Two friends of mine, who have been dealing with life’s upsets, have decided to hit the reset button.  One is returning home and the other has chosen a brand new beginning.  I couldn’t help but notice that both of these individuals made a series of poor choices that lead to their current situations.  From the outside I wonder if their need to flee is based on the hopes of a rebirth, reconnection with the self they’ve lost or simply panic.  As time has passed I’ve listened to their complaints and feelings of frustration grow into a daily chant.  Has the choice to move finally given them the sense of control they’ve been missing? After all, in a life full of doubt, frustration and disappointment, a drastic change is very attractive.  And can be extremely healthy; as long as escapism isn’t the objective.

My concern begins to grow when their words fail to connect with the opportunity laid out before them.  I want to grab them by the shoulders and shake them while asking, “What lessons have your mistakes taught you and what choices have you made to foster a better future?  You have made changes already, right?  You’re not going to wait until the state line to figure this out, right?”  Many times I’ve listened to a person unleash their verbal frustrations about an offender, but I find that it’s riddled with hypocrisy.  The individual is laying out their expectations of how someone should, or should have, behave(d), but yet, that individual has failed to realize his biggest student, is himself.  

Moving for atonement only works if you’ve taken the time to find the root cause of your issues, change it, or yourself and forgive (yourself or others).  A year from now, when they find themselves in similar situations, complaining to friends and comparing it to the past… Will he stop and ask himself, “What did I do to end up here, again?”  Like Buckaroo Banzai said, “Wherever you go, there you are.”

My only hope is that they’ve already made the changes necessary, and can truly enjoy the happiness, and freedom, they’re seeking.

The trouble with dating and the truth is that whether or not you’re actually being honest, the listener often times is deciphering your words with a number of filters, unknown to you.  He is listening, but thinking back on what he thinks he heard you say, what he thinks you did, what he hopes you will do and all this is being filtered thru a larger, more dangerous filter; emotion.  By the time you’re done expressing your feelings and explaining why you feel as you do, the listener has created an entirely new reality.  And you’re not even aware of it!  When you have, finally, been invited to roam the halls of his mind (usually the invite is in the form of an unexpected reaction) you’re speechless and baffled by what has been created. 
Was the truth so boring it had to be spiced up?  Is honesty not dramatic enough?  After all, it’s far more entertaining to bust someone in a series of lies.  But, what do you do when confronted with the simple, boring, impersonal truth? Some may piece together an assumed story line with soap-opera-like dips, turns and hidden scandals.  Others will hear you, simply say “thank you” and walk away; they understand it’s not personal.  
In some situations, I’ve found myself walking away from a conversation feeling the gears in my brain blow apart.  The theatrics were so great that I’ve doubted my own words.   However, while staring off into the air trying to grasp the process I found myself kidnapped by, I find my footing and remember, this is not my problem.  This is why that little voice in my head said, “keep your distance”.  And this is when the listener can thank himself, for making it personal.  The listener’s filters may be a maze of confused emotion, but they’ll clear, and he’ll settle on his own version of the truth.  Which, will no doubt, fuel the next disappointment.